instead


i never think about the minutes
between every time i smile at you,
or the seconds between
every time you cross my mind

instead i think about the violent waves
when the sky was gray and
we went to the beach.
how we dragged the sand from
our feet to the street to the car
to the telly to the sheets

i never think about how every breath
i get to take is in the same room as you,
or how lonely never feels so good
when you’re rustling around

instead i think about how we got
high as fuck in the car
and you were popping my pimples
at the Galleria mall

i think i saw your eyes for the first time

i never think about how you’re the
only one i can be myself with.
i’m selfish, i want to be the only one
you can be yourself with

instead i think about how we
ran around Manhattan
with my best friend,
and how we ate the worst pizza
of my life

i’d eat that shit for every meal
if i could re-live the night

i never think about
how you were there on the
best night of my life

instead i think about myself
and our heartbeats

“instead”
©Steven Cuenca

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