off the greens

hiking 1


i’m off the greens
cuz that’s what love will do

gotta find a way to sleep
broke night, threw up a few

how’d i sleep before?
well, i’d sleep at 4
just in time to hear my demons snore

think i was meant to be a nightcrawler

somethin’ ’bout the night
that makes the world smaller.

somethin’ ’bout the world
that makes my mind wall up.

somethin’ ’bout my mind
that lets these thoughts crawl up,

they lay eggs, and stay fed
they’ll eat ’til i’m brain-dead

i can’t sleep, i can’t dream
i-stare-at-the-ceiling

i need some greens,
i think i’ll order more

order more
and let myself ignore
the fact that i was off the greens
for just a day or two

broke night, threw up a few

guess that’s the best
that my love can do

“off the greens”
©Steven Cuenca

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toxic

4th 1.JPG

used to punch myself to make a point
i’d punch hard, because i knew i could take it
i knew i could take it cuz i’d hold back
i’d hold back but i’d still cry
toxic toxic i’d still cry

used to punch myself to make a point
i’d punch hard, because i deserved it
i deserved it cuz my words are reckless
i never held back
toxic toxic i never held back

used to punch myself to make a point
and i still do.
little baby self-inflicted boo-boos
who knew? the toxic boy would be
toxic toxic

“toxic”
©Steven Cuenca

04 honda civic

rt 1

this place is always sunny
my Civic gets so hot
just need to get to work and back
i don’t ask for a lot

my car stu-stu-stu-studders
i know he tries his best
i hope we ma-ma-make it
he hasn’t killed me yet

my 04 Honda Civic
i’m sorry, my poor child
i haven’t changed your oil
in ten thousand fucking miles

we went to the museum
atop this big ass hill
my name’s not jack
an he’s no jill

we stalled in the middle of the street
with the smoke, the sun, and the grief

i think i learned my lesson
for about the 30 seconds
it took for me to pay
the auto shop that day

“04 honda civic”
©Steven Cuenca

woke up 26

slc3


something scary
’bout falling asleep

woke up 26
i was just 13

playing football,
picking grass,
rubbing dirt on my knees

hadn’t kissed a girl yet
never had a girlfriend

family was Kansas
years before the whirlwinds

Christmases were heaven

level 47
troll hunter on Warcraft
i was on a warpath

more math, more English
fuck science, i’m religious

with faith a smidgen of a pigeon
or a fraction of a mustard seed
i can sink the ocean
or turn a mountain 10 degrees

never skipped school
never went out on weekdays
homebody from the jump
Small Soldiers on replay

we say grace
stuff our face
mother-made meals
powdered lemonade

the worst days were being told what to do.
things don’t change.
the worst days are being told what to do.

woke up 26
and i don’t know what to do

“woke up 26”
©Steven Cuenca

lazy me

ogden 2


my brothers were never political
‘never really cared for it too
i always figured things would happen
the way they’re s’posed to

lazy me, lazy you
lazy is as lazy do

i think i always believed in god
something i was born with, i guess
never thought that i might change my ways
‘don’t think i’m that offense yet

lazy me, lazy you
lazy is as lazy do

i think i’m late november
when i knew you’d be coming soon
i’ve never been a better man
building our home for you

lazy me, lazy you
lazy is as lazy do

“lazy me”
©Steven Cuenca

mirror

acid 6


dropped a tab
didn’t work, then i
fell on my face

i woke up on some clouds
looking down, i
saw a scary fate

i saw the face
of a scary boy, i
think that he was 8

he had a mirror
and he saw his father,
a man he never knew

he grew up into the person that he
thought he had to grow into

boyyy

what father will, father won’t
what father did, father don’t

what father do
isn’t you,
what father did
reflects on him

what father won’t
live for his kid?
what father don’t
live for his kid?

father dead
father slew
father hues of greens and blues
father fell
father fall

mirror mirror on the wall
pull it down, smash it up
go look now, you look like us
broken pieces to pick up

mirror mirror, mirrors lie
try the sky, open wide

better yet, the ocean blue
watch the waves
as they ripple your face,
what are they telling you?

every moment, every breeze
affects reflection, be at ease

then i woke up from my dream
almost fell
off my cloud
smoked some loud
winded down

think i’ll
break some mirrors
for the sound

“mirror”
©Steven Cuenca

ridgewood

NYC 14.JPG
--
roaches killed our fish again,
roaches killed our dinner.

how my cuzzos' gettin' fat,
i'm just gettin' thinner.

rats on rats on rats again,
"oh no, that's no conejo."

pissed my pants
every day,
think i grew up late.

think i grew up great.

ridgewood, queens
deli things
sour icees,
latin kings

gameboy color,
crack the hydrants,
stressless summers

daytime sirens
wizzing by.
nighttime street race
lullaby. 

and it wasn't all bad,
my brothers and my cousins
were all i had.

loved my mother,
loved my dad.

never called him that.
it was too soon.

we left the city too soon.

but once in a blue moon,
i find myself in that
little apartment again.

where everything i knew
and loved were within
arm's reach.

sometimes i find myself in 
ridgewood, queens.
-- 

"ridgewood"
©Steven Cuenca